Monday, June 30, 2008

From the Editor: The Pride 2008 Report

By the LNewsEditor

Every year, Pride festivals and parades get me to thinking about gay-ish things from a societal perspective. Stuff like "Do we still need Pride events?" or "In order to get acceptance (and legal equality) should we blend in or stand out?" But mostly, it's the little things that really matter, and fresh from the Pride festies in Seattle, these are my observations on...

Maximizing Your Pride Swag and Subsequent Fest:


Preparation is Everything:
Folding camping chair that collapses into its own handy nylon tote bag, a backpack for the freebies you'll get, beverages and sustance. Pride festival food ain't cheap, so either eat lunch first or bring a sandwich. If you have a toddler, bring lots of handheld snackie things that'll keep them busy while they're oblivious to the parade. Goldfish crackers and string cheese are a sure bet.

Location, Location, Location: Gawd, I'll slap the next person who mentions real estate and this phrase in the same breath. But if you want to come home with a backpack full of free rubbers, queer biz phone books and beads you didn't necessarily have to flash your produce stand ("Fresh, ripe melons!") to get, you and your posse need to show up at least two hours early with folding chairs ready. Stake out turf near the middle of the parade route. Set up camp near the end, and most of the really cool freebies will already be gone. Plus, the drag queens may be wilted by the end of the parade, and there's no sadder spectacle than that. Also, put approximately 6-8 inches between each chair for later "skootching down, making room" for that friend of yours who pops out of the swarm and wants to join your parade party.

Dress Queer: Bust out that inappropriate, lesbocentric sloganed T-shirt you can't wear to work ("10,000 Battered Women a Year And All This Time I've Been Eating Mine Plain"), the rainbow beads, the practical dykey sandals and the baggy shorts. Last year, I worn a plain T-shirt, sneakers and the kind of khaki walking shorts favored by pudgy Midwestern moms. Grrl, I got no play at all in that drag. This year, I fagged it up with a rainbow kitty-emblazoned T-shirt tucked into faded, knee-length camo baggies with cargo pockets and a rainbow bead choker. Scored at least twice as many freebies from swag throwers who knew at a glance that I was, indeed "family" and not some damn tourist.

Be Friendly and Approachable: Make eye contact and smile purdy, Sugar! Shout "Hey, over here!" using your nice voice and wave your arms around just a bit, like you're having fun. Be coy, as if you won't die if they don't throw you anything cool, but it sure would make your day if they did. Being all serious, staring and giving off that blatantly "gimme gimme" vibe will get you nothing at all. Actually, that approach could probably work well for seeking singles in the bar next weekend...

Talk Nice to Everybody: Bizarre political pamphlets are some of the most amusing swag you can score, so don't rule them -- or the bearers of such propaganda -- out. Cute, quirky chicks with interesting hair/tattoos tend to pass out these invites to lectures by obscure organizations and all it take to meet them is saying "Hey, what have you got there?" while gesturing to their battered messenger bags. All it takes to send them away is, "Thanks for the info. I'll check it out!" Followed by that purdy smile again, of course, with the appropriate level of eye twinkle. Again, another helpful approach for picking up chicks later if you're single. Or for getting your ass kicked by your partner if you're not.


Establish a Post-Parade Rally Point:
If there's a festival after the parade, stake out your gang's turf immediately with blankets, beach towels and/or chairs. Take turns holding the ground while the other team checks out the booths and chick singers. In the event of a really good concert, two scouts should go -- one to hold the prime real estate while the other returns to rally and relocate the team.

Enjoy The View: Even if that hot, little 20-something only needs an X of electrical tape to cover up her perky boobs, give her a smile even though she's too young for you. No, not the pervy leer. The "Happy Pride to you!" smile. Same goes for appreciating the rich, full-bodied laughter of a group of fat, sassy old women who are a of couple decades too old for you to date. Or that group of young, muscular twinks, bouncing around in wet underpants and feathered angel wings they built at their kitchen table.

Live in the Moment: For 364 days of the year, most of us blend quietly and neatly into society, just doing our jobs and living our sometimes boring lives. We pay rent, taxes, car payments and student loans. We worry about money issues, fret over relationships. We vote and volunteer.

But Pride Day is different. It's every queer person's day to be young, strong, joyful and beautiful. To stand out and be counted, quietly or not, because there are more of us than you think!

This is OUR day and we need to seize it -- along with all those cool beads and trinkets.

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