And Another Thing: Happy New Year

By Carole Taylor

Just in case the world really does end in a couple of months, I wanted to get in a few more words on existence and Godde
stuff while there are still a few people out there who are yet conscious and able to read. Ok, just conscious then. Ok, just
able to read. With all the earthquakes and killer mosquitos and nuclear accidents and hurricanes and floods and wars and
rumors of wars, it does look a little bleak for us all. And strangely enough, it looks bleak for straights as well as gays. Wonder
what they've been doing wrong all these years....

Despite the possibility of lightening on a clear day for my saying all this, I'm wondering just how good a shot Godde really
is. (A few people spell it this way because it removes the gender bias.) And given the millions of years He/She/It has had to
end the world, why the Deity would get lucky just now in the supposedly magic year of 2000 is yet another mystery. Does
Godde reeeeeally like round numbers for big events? And what's it take anyway to wipe out the human plague we've become?
He/She/It has at Hir personal disposal untold thousands of meteors to blip us off the radar screen; and floods and pestilence
and creatures that jump out of the bushes and eat us; landslides; about a billion things that can go wrong with any given
cell in our bodies, ice ages, diseases without number, old lovers, current lovers, bosses, total strangers, politicians, postal
workers, doctors, faulty brakes, nuclear bombs and reactors, truck drivers on amphetamines...need I go on? And
if you manage to stand out in that deathly hail of mortal endings without getting hit, you get to endure wrinkles, bad ankles,
flab and lingering old age. And then, you guessed it: death. No wonder we have sex whenever we can get it and eat Karo
pecan pie like there's no tomorrow.

Is Godde just a bad shot or does He/She/It really have Attention Deficit Disorder? I don't think a little gay sex is going
to piss the Deity off at us any more than He already appears to be. It seems redundant in the extreme to think that after all
His attempts to kill us that He'd send us to hell as well. I'm saying 'He' now because I just can't see a female being that
essentially, eternally violent. But I could be wrong.

I don't really think the world will end on January 1, if only because the Deity has demonstrated throughout the ages to
have a sense of humor. It would be just like the old Being to say the cosmic neener to all the christian preachers who claim
to know what the Deity is up to or what thoughts exist now or ever in the Original Brain. But let's say for the sake of argument
that on January 1, we all end up at the Pearly Gates instead of in front of our keyboards. There's an old book that addresses
this possibility, and one that's probably so obscure that you may not have read it.

Anatole France wrote a book called "Thaïs" back in 1890, and in it a character is allowed to visit heaven. The character
is a Christian, and what he sees there really has him puzzled. According to New Testament teachings, none but Christians
get to go there, as you'll recall, and only a select few of those.

But what the character sees in heaven are all these old pagan guys like Aristotle and Plato (not known of course for
their heterosexuality) just having a large old time, sitting side by side, no doubt holding hands, and calmly discussing the
origins of the universe and the nature of existence. Their idea of a wild party. According to theology, these guys aren't supposed
to be there, despite the fact that Aristotle and Plato were born before Jesus and could have no way of knowing that rewards
for their immortal souls would depend on believing in something that hadn't been invented yet. Christian theology isn't known
for it's logic, but what's a mother to do? The character, though, sees hundreds of demons and devils and priests of various
stripes all around these two windy old pagan farts just plaguing the life out of them, poking them with pitchforks and lighting
skyrockets under their butts. But Aristotle and Plato don't seem to notice. They're in heaven, you see. They're all in heaven.
Even the devils and people like Falwell. And everybody is getting to do what each of them has always wanted to do. The
Christains get to plague us, but we won't know they're there. Nice concept of heaven, don't you think?

So maybe I'll see you there on January 1. But in my view of things, I'll see you sometime, no matter what. And if all you
gay bashers out there want to send me a nasty email while we're there, my celestial software won't be able
to read it. My critics will get to plague me all they want, but I won't notice.

Happy New Year a little early. :)

Carole Taylor holds
a masters degree and most of a doctorate, which she used
as a university administrator for much too long by all
accounts. She has been a commercial artist, a journalist,
a grants writer, a house cleaner and a Renaissance woman.She is at work on her second novel, a bildungsroman of sorts, and all she wants for Christmas -- one of these Christmases -- is a sweet movie deal.